Tag Archives: horror

Run in the corridor

“When do we live, that’s what I wanna know”. A rather pretentious line, I’ve thought, delivered by protagonist Mick Travis in Lindsay Anderson’s surrealist film, If, from 1968. A bell rings out, signaling a call to assembly. Mick and his mates must stand to attention, looking glum yet dreamy as they ponder escapes from an oppressive boarding school that offers religious fervor, military training, instruction in increasingly irrelevant Latin, plus—more secretively, homoerotic sadism, all wrapped in Bach chorals and platitudes about England’s present and past greatness. Clearly, Anderson, the director, had gone to schools like this unnamed fixture ensconced somewhere within a bucolic Gloucestershire countryside. Many of the boys he depicts, ranging in age from about ten to eighteen, all cut from upper class cloth, will proceed to universities like Oxford and Cambridge, and will ultimately land in the gentries of medicine, the law, or politics. Otherwise, they will be groomed for the military, destined to be officers ordering lesser privileged or innately ill-equipped men to suffer. That’s why I thought Mick a lucky and therefore self-pitying boy: he’ll be alright one way or another, I figured.

The school is a training ground for either side of an equation. It will separate the perpetrators and the victims, with the latter faction earmarked for a passive existence, such as the lives we once associated with accountants, insurance agents, or the back corridors of civil service. They will be studious but not ambitious, because public school will have (literally) beaten it out of them. One imagines a character like Jute, a roughly ten-year old newcomer to the school who looks nonplussed throughout the story, living a depressive, deadened life hereafter unless he is rescued from this hell and guided elsewhere. In the opening scenes, the viewer is introduced to him as though he will be the protagonist: the obvious underdog who will at some point rise up and discover himself. However, the film more or less abandons him midway, casting him as a minor figure in the revolutionary scene that will climax the action. A touch of reality, perhaps, for only Mick Travis, played by the already mischievous and sinister Malcolm McDowell in his introductory role, has the charisma and strength to lead an uprising. And this rebellion shouldn’t be so difficult in one sense, as the adults in charge are a curiously diffident group comprised of stuffy preachers, idiosyncratic professors with perverse leanings, plus a complacent headmaster who seems to think he has his finger on the pulse of youth, but instead seems hopelessly deluded and lost in his own dream of glorious England.

McDowell’s Mick is the figure that will burst the bubble of this hoary establishment, though he won’t be alone in his fight. His tight and loyal posse features a small cross-section of 1968’s idea of the disenfranchised: a fellow individualist/intellectual who shies away from militarism, a closet homosexual plus his beauteous underclassman and lover; on the periphery are the likeable runt, Jute, and then finally, and anomalously, a surly if lovely girl who will shoot the obtuse headmaster in the forehead in the last scene, thus representing militant feminism. What this drama lacks are the kind of figures we might expect to feature in a film about revolution: a rugged, working-class hero. Or if it were being made today: a person of color character, representing what would be better represented in general today. But this film is not futuristic, so even though it plays with reality as much as it does, injecting events that may be happening or not due to the boys’ fantasies, the inclusion of characters from the other side of tracks or overseas would have stretched historical credibility. That said, surrealist elements invoke foreignness: in his private study, Mick admiringly pins images of guerrilla warriors, or a then-fashionable poster of Che Guevara, to a wall, and repeatedly listens to a recording entitled “Missa Luba”, which features sacred chanting of an African tribe. However, as viewers, we are mostly exposed to conflicts between the relatively privileged, featuring their strange hierarchies: so-called whips, for example, who are peers to the fellow students to whom they exact punishments and cruelties, yet when they’re in class or in the pews of the school cathedral together, their after-hours authority dissolves into invisibility.

Then there are rules and norms that make little sense to conventional observation. An officious upperclassman yells, “run in the corridor”, to stir a manic response amongst his younger charges, who then run amok within the hallways, beating or scratching at one another, discharging an ever-rumbling angst. Run, not walk? Meanwhile, the youngest, or newest pupils on the totem pole are dubbed “scum”, suggesting the boys grant status, ala Lord of the Flies. “You’re a scum, aren’t you?” says an irritable whip. “I don’t know”, Jute replies. He doesn’t know who he is, what he is, and he is as yet unoffended, for as a Lacanian might observe, language here is a trauma that a child must assimilate as it invades us. Soon, as adults appear from behind closed doors, ready to sermonize and deliver pedantic edicts, the boys still themselves, become frozen in mind and body. “Stop talking!” the whips continually berate, to consolidate order, for they are not just ill-tempered scolds working for the man, they are the de facto governors in this realm. Stop thinking, we might infer is the meta message here. Just keep running, moving from one action to another without reflection, without consideration of either history or a future. Is it any wonder that one character, a stoical, decent, outlier-like teacher played by the eccentric Graham Crowden, pauses to critique the impact this dire education is having upon youth? “If you insist on staring at me like a row of Christmas puddings”, he moans at them, half-sympathetically, for he knows that the crusty institution that employs him is killing souls.

It’s well over fifty years since If first came out and became a cult hit from then onwards. The romanticized rebellion, replete will darling acts and phrases, blended with xylophonic musical pastiches, seduced my late adolescent mind and stirred a dream of roaming insurrection once. But it is a dream that embarrasses as much if not more than it does inspire. The problems of privileged youth in leafy rural England of yesteryear yield as much envy as they do sympathy, so the end result is something of a neutralized halting—a sense that as a viewer you are taking a pleasant hallucinogenic drug, not prepping for a cause. If you are middle or upper class and herald from a westernized society wherein food is plentiful, infrastructures are sound, atrocities are something heard about but not directly witnessed or felt personally, its message is for a siloed constituency recalling a cultural artifact–something of a wet dream. Still, the film is far from a shallow entertainment. Among its indelibly-expressed lessons is the idea that authoritarianism is not simply an external force to be defeated. It’s an internalized phenomenon that manifests in peer systems, and lives on intergenerationally. That’s the horror of these boys’ prison—there despite the wealth that affords it and the lack of apparent existential threat. If reflects one version of youth rebellion, one that is solipsistic, grounded in material comfort even as it battles false austerity, and reeks of the primitive. Above all, it depicts a world in which choice is limited but still so much vaster that what might have been put on celluloid.

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized

No one wants to see a sad animal

What happened? It went away, my last essay. I didn’t even say goodbye. It just disappeared, vanished into the cloud, it promised, only it didn’t settle there. Why? Because its keeper, its God, the internet, was not turned on. It had turned a blind eye, so the elegiac missive was gone, now shut behind a door (or “window”), that read something like, we’re not sure what happened—did you delete? It was my fault, basically, said the computer. And so, it was my fault, this unnoticing of detail, my inattention to detail. Pity, I thought, not angrily, more forlornly. Oh well, more thoughts down the drain, rather like the residue of a dream. But there is continuity, I’ve thought in the hours since. There’s continuity in similar problems arising, with similar underpinning themes: I missed a box here, having not checked something materially important. I didn’t dot an I; I failed to reset a password. As a result, there will be no access to pragmatic life. Problems, like deaths, happen in threes, and nothing gets sent to a heavenly cloud for safekeeping. Rather, I am stuck here on earth amongst the weeds and the glitches, contemplating something…something like the links between happenings.

              I mean, it is at least apropos that the lost essay had something to do with death, and in particular, a good-humored, if sardonic look at death. It featured a not-quite dream but written rather something like a dream story about a figure who is announcing their forthcoming death to a group of half-attentive friends. They are getting messages about a memorial date for a passing that hasn’t yet happened; a passing that, by implication, will occur suicidally, hence the precise anticipation. The responses of the friend group are variably confused. Their text messages were really funny, I can tell you. I know because I wrote the lines and then sent them to the cloud, thinking it would keep them safe—that it had a hard and reliable foundation. A cloud holds, I believe, but it also releases in rain. And I’d missed something important about how that works. Anyway, back to those friends and their funny if dispiriting reactions. They would not make it to the memorial because they weren’t given the proper notice. They need a week, they were consistently saying. And that was the joke, the central gag: people aren’t there for the big stuff, the death stuff; they are elsewhere, busy with their lives, but often pretending they are there for one another, like my essay was there for me fleetingly, and promising to stick around. It would catch me later, it seemed to say. It would never—what’s the term— “ghost” me.

              My protagonist, my guy, Jim, was set to ghost people, first by dying, but then, even before that, by not talking to them anymore. That’s how pissed he was by the half-hearted and therefore heartless reaction to his admittedly desperate memorial ploy. Only one person gave him the time of day. Rachel, a one-time crush and then heartbreaker, had always cared enough to appear out of thin air from her own itinerant life to come save the day or do something decisive and right. She’d act the angel, I thought, now thinking she could emerge from the same cloud in which the previous essay was buried. What’s the problem, she’d chide, though she knew really what was up. She’d gotten news through a sparse grapevine that my guy was in despair over an illness that was tying the hands of doctors. Oncologists, I called them, alluding to the specifics but dodging the C word. Jim never liked that word. Doesn’t like the way it sounds, the way its cadence spreads. Let’s cut to the chase, past the unmentionable pain, and then get to an even less mentionable pain: whether people in his life will show up for him, actually make an effort and care.

              “That sounds like self-pity”. Good old Rachel. Not angelic, but always cutting to the chase in another sense. Straight to the point. Good stuff. In fact, Jim never liked this side of Rachel. It’s the reason he got over the crush. He wanted softness in her to match the softness in his own belly. He wanted to lie on his back and have her rub his, ya know, belly.

              “And that’s bad, I guess?” That was about the memorial, not the belly.

              “Well, what did you expect? And I’m not talking about how gruff and clueless Paul is, or how preoccupied Jane is with her life. But…a memorial, really?”

              “What?”

              “Kinda creepy. I mean, is that a joke? Are we meant to say, oh sure, go ahead and kill yourself, we’ll be there on Saturday”

              “Well, no one even mentioned that part, it was—”

              “It’s hard to know when to take you seriously on that shit. You have a dark humor. It’s not the first time you’ve made a sideways suicide threat, plus it sends people into denial. They don’t know what to do”.

              “Well, they could do something, not just not say anything”

              “They did. They texted me, asked me to call you, and yes—part of that is not knowing how to deal with it—the other part was thinking I could”

              Jim wasn’t sure he agreed with that assessment and felt like saying so, but Rachel brooks no cheap jokes when she’s in her righteous stride, so he thought the better of it. This wasn’t how this was supposed to go, he reflected in a protracted, silent pause. Rachel was silent also, waiting for what she figured was Jim’s sulking to pass. This wasn’t even how this author figured this would go. My head was in the clouds, chasing lost words. Originally, this was a surrealist skit about deadness in society dropped into a little mischief about deadness. The lost script featured quips about whether the memorial could be re-scheduled for another day; whether refreshments would serve Vegans—that sort of thing. It was dually designed to lighten people up and yet make them feel uncomfortable. What Jim truly wanted he couldn’t ask for, but he could allude to it by speaking on behalf of his German Shepherd, Beowulf. He wanted someone to commit to taking care of the dog: to feed him, adopt him, whatever. He figured that would touch everyone’s heart, stir some action upon the loss of the master. The reasons would touch upon Rachel’s critique of Jim, which no one would direct at Beowulf. They’d all want to see his tail wag. No one wants to see a sad animal.

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized